In Russia And America
by waterrain
Summary: America decides to tell Soviet Russia jokes to Russia and he can't stop for to him they are rather funny. However Russia is annoyed and he decides to let the joke be on America. For Russia can handle a joke and return the joke with ease unlike America.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Axis Hetalia Powers. Please Review and Reviews are my fuel. I might make more chapters.**

America was bored and he looked at Russia who was simply just sitting quietly while holding a pipe. He bit his lip and it was as if this was some kind of contest of who can be quiet for the longest, but this was dull and boring plus it was not as if Russia had said it was a contest.

'I wonder how long America can handle silence, da.' Russia thought innocently and he smiled faintly at America's restless state. 'Not much longer now.'

"Russia, I have some jokes for you." America suddenly said loudly and he was smiling brightly at him. Russia merely blinked and then tilted his head slightly, but sighed lightly and he had a feeling America will have nothing expect Soviet Russia jokes to tell him.

"Da." Russia stated carelessly and he clenched his pipe tighter while smiling at America.

"I personally love these jokes and I just can't help myself." America commented cheerfully and his hand was on his gun just in case Russia rushes towards him with that pipe while smiling innocently. "You might even laugh."

"America, do tell your silly little jokes." Russia stated calmly and he heard America chuckle.

"In Soviet Russia, Prostitute pays you." America managed to say and then he begun giggling not caring about Russia's annoyed expression. "In Soviet Russia, hell goes to you."

Russia bit his lip and he rather found that these jokes were getting old, but yet America keeps on telling him and telling him over the years.

"In Soviet Russia, rules follow you. In Soviet Russia, sign reads you. In Soviet Russia, mad cows shoot you. In Soviet Russia, bed sleeps on you. In Soviet Russia, English learns you. In Soviet Russia, President assassinates you. In Soviet Russia, chocobo rides you." America was on a roll and he was giggling throughout it all while Russia was tensing up. "Man, I have a lot more. I love these jokes so much and I can't stop."

"In Soviet Russia, America becomes one with you." Russia commented innocently and then watched as America glared at him.

"I'm not going to become or make anyone become one with me." America said firmly and he felt like Russia was purposely ruining the jokes.

'America can say jokes, but can't handle them. I will tell some jokes of my own, da.' Russia mentally thought to himself and then smiled innocently at America. 'You won't like them.'

"Fine." America muttered sulkily and he had his arms crossed in annoyance.

"In America, You pay for sex. In America, you are in hell. In America, You forget the rules. In America, you ignore signs. In America, you kill things. In America, you miss the bed. In America, you have made up words. In America, you try to destroy the problem. In America, you ride animals." Russia told America cheerfully and he enjoyed the fact that America's face was turning red.

"Russia, You jackass!" America said loudly and he was so upset that he was struggling to say anything. Russia smiled brightly and this should teach America a lesson about telling jokes.

"In Russia, kiss hurts you. In America, you are kissed." Russia commented lightly and then he grabbed America by the hips. He kissed America on the lips and made sure to make it painful, but then again Russia suspects that America likes pain.

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	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own Axis Hetalia Powers. Please Review and Reviews are my fuel. I might make more chapters.**

"Hey, Russia." America said calmly and he was hiding a snicker. Russia sighed to himself and he looked at America with bored eyes knowing it was going to be more of those old jokes.

"I know you can't control your mouth, da." Russia stated smoothly and he smiled innocently. "So why not just get it out in the open and I can respond with my own little jokes about you."

"You are a complete kill joy, Russia." America stated in annoyed tone and his arms were crossed. "Jeez, I know that you are trying to stop me from saying those jokes by making fun of me."

"No not at all dear America. I do enjoy your silly and unfunny jokes, da. It makes me laugh at your sorry attempts at jokes." Russia commented cheerfully and his violet eyes were bright. America pouted for a moment, but then he glared at Russia.

"My jokes are funny." America told him firmly and then added. "Everyone else loves them."

"Only your people, da." Russia stated innocently and he watched as America's face flushed.

"Anyway, shut up commie." America said to Russia and he glared at him. "No one asked you."

"Remember I'm no longer a commie." Russia commented lightly and it was rather annoying having to correct America, but it was enjoyable seeing those cheeks burn red in embarrassment and anger. "I have heard a few blonde jokes, da. I'm sure you know them all too well and I would enjoy hearing you say them. Why not tell those blonde jokes, da. They are better than your so called Soviet Russia jokes. I can tell you a rather funny joke that reminded me of you, da."

America flipped him off along with yelling 'Go to hell Russia' and he walked away angrily. Russia chuckled and mentally thought 'So very adorable, da. America is so very sensitive and easy to tease. I do enjoy that fact about my dear comrade. I do not like blonde jokes either, da. America does not know that fact and it was well worth it.'

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	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own Axis Hetalia Powers. Please Review and Reviews are my fuel. **

"Russia, You have been secretly trying to have it where I do not tell Soviet Russia jokes. It won't work." America commented to Russia calmly and he grinned widely. "I have plenty of them."

'America, You are silly. I have come up with ways to deal with your jokes.' Russia briefly thought and he sat on the sofa. 'I can merely turn them into In America Jokes and it is amusing to see your cheeks turn red.'

"In Soviet Russia, Taxes pay you. In Soviet Russia, Party always find you. I'm just warming up." America commented gleefully and he looked at Russia. "Hah, What did you think of that Russia?"

"In America, You pay Taxes. In America, You look for Party." Russia said happily and a smile was on his lips as he looked at how America's cheeks were slowly turning red. America glared at him and Russia merely smiled innocently.

"Damnit, Russia. You are trying to make it sound better to be In Russia than In America." The blue eyed Nation said in an irritated voice, he silently pouted, and crossed his arms. "Seriously, Not cool."

"You started it, da." Russia commented cheerfully and he tilted his head while smiling. "With every In Soviet Russia joke you tell me. I'll turn it into an In America joke."

"Whatever. Do your police officers give a warning shot or do they just shot the person?" America asked calmly and he noticed that Russia blinked in confusion.

"Why are you asking that question of me. Are you planning to do something silly." Russia said to him and America hummed while looking away.

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	4. Chapter 4

**_I do not own Axis Hetalia Powers. Please Review and Reviews are my fuel. _**

"In Soviet Russia, You get fucked." Russia said cheerfully and he received a shocked expression. "Of course I'm referring to you getting fucked."

America clenched his fists, he walked up to the violet eyed Nation, and came up with something that would make Russia upset.

"In America, You give blowjobs." America commented happily and he pointed at Russia. "Of course I'm referring to you giving blowjobs."

"In America, You are pathetic. I have not ever given a blowjob." Russia said in a tense voice and he gripped his pipe tightly.

"In Soviet Russia, Pathetic owns you. By the way I have not had sex with anyone." America commented smoothly and he looked at the violet eyed Nation.

"In America, You are virgins." Russia stated bluntly and he smiled innocently. "You are a virgin, America."

"You say that like it's a bad thing." America said in an irritated voice and he crossed his arms. "In Soviet Russia, Sluts are everywhere."

Russia giggled before striking the blue eyed Nation hard on the back and after a moment America pulled out his two trusty guns, but before any further violence occurred that was when their Bosses returned and sighed deeply for their Nations were at it again.

"Russia started it by saying that I would get fucked. He is creepy." America commented loudly and he puffed out his cheeks. "Seriously, Why do I have to put up with him?"

America walked out of the room and Russia decided to follow him.

"In America, You are dramatic." Russia said cheerfully as he grabbed America's arm and smiled brightly at him. "In America, You get screwed."

"I hate you." America commented bluntly and he tried to break Russia's grip, but it was tighter than normal.

"In America, You are hateful. In Russia, Love is you." Russia told the blue eyed Nation and he tilted his head. "In America, You are loved."

America sighed and sometimes he really can't understand Russia.

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